Restlessness

Today, I’m feeling restless. It’s the middle of August, and Eric and I have spent most of the day close to home. We walked to our local farmer’s market this morning, and then spent some time with my childhood friend Danielle and her family as they passed through town on their way home from vacationing in New Hampshire. Right now, I have such an urge to get out of the house, to go out and DO something. Yet, this urge is tempered by a part of me that is simply exhausted, from the heat, from the half-drunk glass of red wine that sits to my right, from the idea that in a few short weeks I’ll be starting school again.

It’s a wonder I can’t just relax into this time of quiet uneventfulness. My life saw a big transition this summer when Eric and I married in July. “Does it feel any different?” This is the question I get asked more than any other when I tell people I’m recently married. And the truth is, no, it really doesn’t. I’m always afraid to admit this to people, thinking it might just be better to lie and say it feels SO different, so much more connected, and romantic, and intense. I feel guilty being the person to shatter, or at least chip away at, the storybook notions of marriage we hold as a society. But the truth is, aside from my vastly easier to pronounce married last name, things have gone pretty much back to normal since we arrived home from our honeymoon. We had been living together for a year before our wedding, so we’ve fallen back into our day-to-day routines with ease.

Given this lack of change, maybe it makes sense that even though I’ve passed this huge milestone in my life, I still find myself antsy. This blog is a perfect illustration of my impatience. My plan had been to begin writing posts and saving them in Word documents. I thought it wise to build a catalog of at least 10 entries before I actually created the blog site and made its existence known to anyone. These “catalogued” posts would have been timeless, unspecific to season or event, so that I could keep up with my posting even during the busy times that will surely come and try to distract me from my regular writing practice. But, I’m feeling so restless today, that I’m beginning the blog without any completed “backup” posts. Here we go!

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2 thoughts on “Restlessness

  1. This was my favorite line: “Yet, this urge is tempered by a part of me that is simply exhausted, from the heat, from the half-drunk glass of red wine that sits to my right, from the idea that in a few short weeks I’ll be starting school again.”

    I love your new blog already!

    KMG

  2. Good luck with the new blog. It’s helpful to keep a few in the freezer, so to speak, for times when you’re too tired to produce anything readable. You clearly (yay) set high standards for yourself, so give yourself a break during the teaching year and put a few of these in the can. I typically have at least four or five at all times, updating them as needed before posting. (I write for a living, so sometimes it’s the last thing I feel like doing for my blog, which runs 3x week.)

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